Why Do I Love You
by kimchase
Summary: Why do I love you? Don't even want to. Love hurts, especially when it's good bye. ONESHOT


**Disclaimer:** I don't own nothing!

**A/N:** With all this onesided love I had to write a little something. It's not long and just a short oneshot. Enjoy and of course **REVIEW**!

**Why Do I Love You**

He can't look at her, because it hurts to look at her eyes. Her eyes that scream 'I'm sorry', well he doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't want an apology he just wants her but he can't have her can he now? He looks at the ground and pitifully stares at her feet.

She steps closer she's trying to reach out but she fails. She can't do it, not today. She's touched him like no one before but today she can't even manage to hold his hand. They've shared intimacy like couples and yet now it feels as though she shouldn't be doing it. Her courage fled from the moment she saw his face, the recognition in his eyes. She bows her head slowly she speaks but before she gets his name out he cuts her off abruptly with a kiss.

It's fierce and forceful. He's desperate, he's afraid this will be the last time he gets to feel her against him. He holds her tightly almost scared that she'll disappear. He can't let this go, even when from the beginning he could tell that this relationship it wasn't… love. Somehow down the way he lost himself in her.

He loves her.

She can feel it as he kisses her he's pouring out his love for her. This is what causes her to cry. The tears form and drip down her face. Her sorrow is not for herself but for him.

He cups her cheek and wipes away her tears. He pulls away slightly and kisses her all over her face. He whispers one word but it's that word that makes the stray tears into a waterfall.

"Stay."

There is no please, it's not a question or a request, it's a demand. She hiccups from crying, her chest is heaving and her throat feels dry. It hurts to breathe but it hurts even more to see his pleading face. She has to look away because she's got to leave. Carefully she frees herself from his embrace and she shakes her head. The tears cease to stop she can't see straight.

He reaches out for her but she takes a step away from him and his arm falls uselessly. She wraps her arms protectively around herself. "Stop." she sobs out, "I can't!" she cries out and takes another step back. She looks up and finally holds his gaze. Her voice is clear and it rings in his ears over and over again.

"I'm leaving."

_Suddenly she's  
Leaving  
Suddenly the  
Promise of love has gone   
Suddenly  
Breathing seems so hard to do  
_

The one phrase has him paralyzed. He forgets to breathe; his breath is caught in his throat. Reality hit him like a ton of bricks. He knew it before she even opened her mouth but when she confirmed it with those lips. The same lips he worshipped every night, the same lips that has traveled all over his body and branded him as hers. It is not betrayal he feels but instead it's emptiness he meets.

He laughs, it's loud and fake and it eases his pain. The contracting of his lungs and killing him but it's his heart that's bleeding. He laughs harder and she watches him wide eyed. "Don't." he says.

She tries and reason. The only word that comes out is, "sorry." She hates that word.

There's a pang in his chest. He doesn't take notice of her babbling about how it wasn't meant to be. How their relationship wasn't real to begin with. He can't hear her because he's frozen. He doesn't want her to be sorry, because being sorry means she's doing something she isn't supposed to. He wants her to come back and smile like she used to. When he actually made him believe they were real.

She repeats his name over and over again, trying in vain to capture his attention back to the situation at hand. He isn't listening or maybe he's just pretending not to hear her. "Don't make it even harder, please" she begs. She hates hurting him because just perhaps she cares for him too, a little bit.

He smirks, "You planned it and I'm the butt of it all." he laughs, "I guess it was always about him, heh, here I thought you might forget him." his tone is bitter.

She says his name, she tries to intercept but his hand comes up to stop her.

"Even when we made love you were still thinking of him. Did you wish I was him? Was that why you…" he trails off because it hurts too much to say it. How could she… when it was so obvious that he… screw it, screw it all! He rubs his face and runs his hand through his hair.

_Carefully you  
Planned it  
I got to know just  
A minute to late, oh girl  
now I understand it  
All the times we  
Made love together  
Baby you were thinking of him  
_

She bites her lip, "I-I didn't…"

He stares at her, "Why?"

It's one question that got her to stumble. She looks shocked, she doesn't know why. Fumbling for an answer she opens and closes her mouth, nothing comes out.

He smiles bitterly, "Why?" when he repeats it, it's as though he is questioning himself. "Why do I love you?" he shouts out in frustration. "Damn it, I don't want to love you. Then why, why do I still want to hold you and convince you not to go?" at the last sentence, a tear escapes. The tears he's been fighting to keep in spills out.

She calls out to him and steps closer. Then she moves back again, she calls his name. "Please" she says as she starts crying, "please let me go." Her eyes shine and he can't resist her.

He grabs her wrist and pulls her to him. She's caught by surprise and falls into his arms. She fits perfectly like she belongs there; he likes to believe that she does. In his mind he's already figured out his whole life with her. It doesn't matter where life takes him as long as he's with her. She's quiet and she closes her eyes and lets him have his last embrace. He kisses the crook of her neck and murmurs her name endlessly.

She keeps crying and he soothes her. She sniffles, it's time to leave he's waiting for her and she wants to go. It's what she's been dreaming of all her life. As she pulls away slowly his eyes still ask her why and she can't stand to look at him anymore. Everything is settled, she can't be with him. She longs to go but somehow she finds that she can't. Only one question remains…

Why?

_  
Why do I love you  
Don't even want to  
Why do I love you like I do   
Like I always do  
You should've told me  
Why did you have to be untrue (love you like I do)  
Why do I love you like I do  
_

"I'm going." she swallows and lifts her eyes towards his. "He's waiting and I don't want to keep him any longer." her voice is quiet.

His anger flares, not at her but at him. The very same guy who kept her from him, even when he wasn't around she'll be thinking of him. "He's waiting? You can't keep him waiting? Hell he's been making you wait for years! You're going to crawl to him because he's beckoning for you? He's ignored you and now he suddenly wants to be with you? What kind of crap is that? Do you even understand what you're saying?" he yells. He huffs and puffs from the explosion of anger.

There are only three words that justify everything, "I love him."

He freezes and he bows his head. Love? He's going to pretend he doesn't love her. That all those nights with her or the mornings watching her sleep meant nothing. That every touch, every kiss, every confession of love was just for fun. His heart? What's that? He has no weakness and she holds no power over him what-so-ever. He's fine and his smile shows it.

Then why does it hurt to smile? Why does his heart ache? Why is she looking so fine that he wants to have her in his arms again? Why is he restraining his feelings? No matter how he might pretend in front of others. He can't fake it for his heart.

She says his name, "This took longer than I expected… I'm sorry and I- thank you. I'll never forget you, I hope there'll be a lucky girl for you somewhere." she kisses the place she can reach on her tiptoes, his chin.

He closes his eyes and memorizes every inch of her lips. He opens his eyes and studies her face. Every nook and cranny, down to the very last detail. This may be the last time he gets to see her… the thought alone shatters his heart.

"Good bye," she whispers.

She walks backwards away from him step by step. Then she turns around and he can no longer see her face, her eyes, or her beauty. She walks without looking back. Her head held high.

She's leaving.

_  
Ain't gonna show no  
Weakness  
I'm gonna smile  
And tell the whole world I'm fine  
I'm gonna keep my senses  
But deep down  
When no one can hear me  
Baby I'll be crying for you  
_

He waits until she disappears from view before he whispers, "Good bye."

Then suddenly she's gone. Out of his life just like that. He closes his eyes and imagines her there, but the vision is blurry and her warmth isn't there. There's no turning back, he can't hold onto her. She's left and she's not coming back.

He's rooted at the same spot and can't seem to lift his feet. He's waiting for her to come running to him. Maybe just maybe she's going to come back. Perhaps his bed won't be cold tonight. But he sees no glimpses of her.

She's gone.

He sighs and turns towards home. His steps are heavy but his heart is heavier. Would he ever love again, looking back he doubted he could ever love anyone like he loved her.

Why does he love her?

Was it her easy smile? Her soft hair or her bright eyes. Her body? The way she walked? Or maybe it was how she talked. How she'd entrust herself completely to him when they made love. How she snuggles close in the morning and kisses him good morning. The way she frowned and told him what to do. Her laugh.

Everything about her made him breathless.

Why did she have to go?

He clenched his hands into fists. Damn it all!

_  
Why do I love you  
Don't even want to  
Why do I love you like I do   
Like I always do  
You should've told me  
Why did you have to be untrue (love you like I do)  
Why do I love you like I do  
_

His footsteps echo in the dark hallway. His door is grey like his face. The mood is set and even the bright shining sun can't raise his spirit. The door creaks open and it closes with a slam behind him. It's empty, too quiet. He steps out of his worn shoes and walks into his humble home.

There is a vase of beautiful flowers blooming. She put it there saying that his home was boring. She always replaced it every week with a new bunch of flowers she picked. Everyday when she came home she would smile and smell the flowers. He could envision her there bending over to smell the flowers. When he reached out to touch her, the illusion disappeared.

Man he missed her already. It's been a minute and he couldn't get his mind off of her. He can still smell her in his house, their house. He can feel her presence all around. The couch, the coffee table, the kitchen, the stove, the washroom, the shower and oh God the bed.

He searches even when he knows she isn't there he wants to see her. He looks for anything that might be an excuse to see her again. Even a toothbrush or a handkerchief. He wants to run out and chase after her.

She's left nothing but sorrow. The loneliness was creeping up in him and he enters the bedroom slowly. She's not lying on the bed reading a book like she usually does when he comes home. Her slippers are not at the foot of the bed and her robe is not hung on the bathroom door.

She's not here.

But he can't erase the memories of her being here. In his home, being in his bed. He touches the bed, the same bed he never makes. Yet it's always made, because she loves tidiness. It won't be the same now would it?

He lies down and closes his eyes. He's exhausted from just thinking of her.

Where is she now?

_  
Can't go back  
Can't erase  
Baby your smiling face oh no  
I can think of nothing else but you  
Suddenly  
_

Is she okay?

Does he treat her like he did?

Is she still loved?

He turns over and sees the picture frame on his bedside table. It was a picture taken a long time ago, when they went on their first date, if one could call it that. It had been so good then.

For the two of them they started from the wrong end. She had a heartbreak first. They made love next. Then he asked her to live with him. Then they started dating.

It was all of a sudden when she came running to him requesting that she wants to spend the night with him. He was half-asleep but his worry consumed him. She spent the night crying in his arms. Every night she came back and stayed with him until one night he kissed her. Then one thing led to another and soon they found themselves naked trying to catch their breaths. He told her to move in.

She relived her heartache with his love. He felt joy from her presence. It was perfect but at those odd times he caught her looking out the window wistfully. He knew that she was secretly wishing he was someone else.

He'll never be that someone will he?

He doesn't care, he still loves her.

_  
Why do I love you  
Don't even want to  
Why do I love you like I do   
Like I always do  
You should've told me  
Why did you have to be untrue (love you like I do)  
Why do I love you like I do_

He doesn't know why he loves her.

No reason really sums up why. He just does. There is no explanation and he doesn't even try to figure it out anymore. Loving her is part of him. He can't be himself without loving her.

She might not be here but in his heart he's keeping her there for eternally. He looks away from the picture of the two of them smiling. It hurts to think of good times, because they feel so far away. He'll never have them again.

He'll never have her again…

He closes his eyes and falls into sleep. The last thing he utters is her name.

**A/N:** Yeah! Okay this is just an angst/tragedy kind of fiction. I will not be telling you who the man or the woman is. You can think of any characters you want. There are few that work really well like (in the order of: the guy who loves her/the girl/the guy she loves) Naru/Saku/Sasu or Shika/Ino/Sasu or Kiba/Hina/Naru. I hope it wasn't too bad…

**REVIEW!**


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